Do you ever get mad at yourself for not doing what you know you should be doing?
Did recently too.
The end of January was it for me. I was doing so good on my Blue Dot Challenge. So good! I got a blue dot the first 25 days of the month.
And then I failed. Yes, that’s how I look at it. I failed. It was one of my coworkers last day and everyone brought in goodies to munch on. There were some healthy choices and some not so healthy choices.
I started my day off knowing that her farewell table would be set up at work and I chose not to eat my normal breakfast. I could have easily enjoyed some of the fruits and veggies care free as well as had a couple of the other items and still stayed within my daily points.
Did I though?
Excuse my language but I went crazy. Look at all that I ate.
My actions here set me up for a poor next few days. Later that night I went to a family gathering where I ate 2 huge plates of food and not one, not two, but three desserts.
The next day was one of my dear friends daughters first birthday. Her husband is such a good cook and prepared pork shoulder and brisket for sandwiches. He also made two kinds of cupcakes for us adults to eat while the baby got the smash cake.
I didn’t have just one sandwich but two and went back for a second cupcake. There were two kinds and both were so good! I was going to have a third but fortunately someone took the last cupcake just as I was going for it. Thank goodness!
However, that night I ate half a box of chocolate. I think there were 14 pieces on each level, 2 levels. I obviously didn’t track but I imagine each piece was roughly 4 points. 4 x 14. You do the math. Not good!
Needless to say I woke up the next morning in a terrible mood. I ruined my blue dot streak and I ate so much that I was sure to have a gain. I did go to my WW meeting but showed up late which always stresses me out. Then I felt myself tearing up and wasn’t about to cry in front of them again so I weighed in (2 lb gain) and left.
I felt so bad. I went home and ate the other half of the box of chocolates. Because that was going to help. Insert eye roll here.
I had a whole bunch planned for the day and cancelled it all. I was so depressed. Mind you I was feeling bad long before I weighed in. 2 lbs is not that much. It can easily come off again. I think it was more that I had let myself down with that dang Blue Dot Challenge.
Sunday just got worse and worse. Since I didn’t go to the store after my WW meeting as I usually do, I didn’t have anything to eat. What do I do? I run through McDonald’s drive in and pick up my old stand by. I could never decide between the McDouble and the McChicken. So I would get both. Plus a small fry. I was also in the mood for some chicken nuggets. Yikes!
I wasn’t doing myself any favors.
Later on in the week, I started to get back on track in certain respects. I decided to take the stairs every day at work as well as run in the gym after work. I’m fortunate that my work has a fitness center. I don’t utilize it as much as I should. Sometimes though I will walk over my lunch. More so in the Spring and Summer months. If it’s nice, I’ll walk outside. When it gets too hot, I start walking inside on the treadmill. Why I don’t continue this in to the Winter months, I don’t know. But this month, at least for the last 7 days and today, I have taken full advantage of having access to the fitness center.
So far this month I have ran 10 1/2 miles and walked 1 mile between going to the gym after work and going to Planet Fitness over the weekend. It’s helped me work toward my goal walking/running 365 miles this year. That’s for sure!
Since Monday, I’ve also gotten a blue dot each day. I’m getting back on track in the food department too. Woohoo!
A lot of what has helped me is my WW People. I didn’t go to last Sunday’s meeting. After leaving early the week before and not showing up at all this last one, I had several people reach out to me wondering what was going on. It feels good to have the support. I don’t know how to tell them how much they mean to me. In such a short span of time that I’ve known them (remember I changed groups after I moved), we’ve gotten quite close. I’m glad I have my WW family and can’t wait to see them all this Sunday.
I was watching a show the other day. I really wish I could remember which show it was. I want to say Lethal Weapon but am not 100%. What I do remember is what was said. “Life is not over. You still have that choice every day.”
Let that sink in a little bit.
So what if I didn’t get 31 blue dots in the month of January. I got a total of 26 blue dots and that is pretty amazing. I didn’t have to let it affect me as much as I did. LIFE IS NOT OVER. My life certainly wasn’t.
Each day after the first day that I didn’t get that blue dot, I had a choice. I could have missed one day but gotten a blue dot the next. YOU STILL HAVE THAT CHOICE EVERY DAY. Instead, I was sour and continued to make poor decisions.
This journey that I’m on is taking much longer than I had expected it to. However, I have a lot to be proud of. I am nearly 40 lbs lighter than I was 10 1/2 months ago. I have had a few speed bumps where I’ve fallen off the wagon and gained a little back. But each time I have also gotten it back under control and lost the weight immediately. I may revert back to my old ways every now and again. But I only do so for a short period of time before I reign it in.
It’s taking longer than I thought it would but I’m still going.
I haven’t given up.